The Friendship

Is it possible that mixed- sex- friendships are restricted to being made during our school or university days? Post-education, it seems to me that it has become increasingly hard to meet someone with a view to pursue a friendship, rather than a love affair. And I’ve learnt recently (the hard way) that male/female friendships made in your twenties are actually rather few and far between-something I’ve grown to resent.

I understand that when socialising, most are on the hunt for a sexual partner. I get it, balls and boobs are heading south and you’re panicking. But shouldn’t we just slow down when we meet someone and get to know whether they prefer jam or marmalade on their toast first? After all, some of the best sexual relationships are based upon friendship. And some of the best relationships are simply just friendship. I’m always up for meeting new people but I’m also very aware that when my company for the night is a member of the male variety, sex is always on someone’s mind.

Maybe I’m too presumptuous and assume that guys are always after one thing? But as of late, it has been proved that, in fact, the majority of the time, they are: and my assumptions have been confirmed. When asking my guy mates about this issue, I’ve been labelled “naive” to think that an invitation to have coffee could be strictly platonic. They themselves also suggested that men don’t tend to read signals; instead they read your chest. So when it comes to finding friends of the opposite sex, I must hold my hands up and admit that I’m hopeless at it. Maybe I’ll just leave it and stick to the guy mates I already have who pick their noses and tell me I look like shit, when I really do, look like shit. But even with my male mates from way-back-when, there’s normally a point in our friendship where we’ve asked ourselves whether we fancy one another, or whether something could potentially happen… and have even enjoyed the odd vodka-induced-snog. It seems as though it’s quite difficult to remain platonic rather than playmates.

Personally I’m not shy and don’t mind letting someone know that the most they’re getting is a pint bought for them but why is it that “I only like you as a friend” is such an insult? It seems as though spitting in one’s face is likely to be far more pleasant-being fancied is apparently more important than being funny, charismatic or interesting these days. People search for ‘the one’ for years, by-passing potential friendships and pushing them to one side because they don’t pass the marriage test. Think about how many people you’ve got along with and disposed of because you didn’t fancy them-you’ve missed out on having both a wingman, another insight into the male/female mind and someone new to quite simply have a laugh with.

I’m starting to think that maybe it’s impossible to be friends with the opposite sex. Take the world’s favourite TV show. It might be entitled ‘Friends’, but how many of them actually are just friends? It might be fiction but take a look at your own “friendship group” and count how many people around you have dated, fumbled or dabbled.

I rest my case.


  1. Dionysus December 2, 2011 / 9:44 am

    There’s no reason that you can’t make new male friends just as easily as you do female friends. I make new femaile friends all the time. Doesn’t mean I want to sleep with them. On that note, your males friends are either purposely trying to sabotage your view of possible new male friendships out of some weird subconcious ownership tactic (my toy, you can’t play with it syndrome) or they really are just cluless.
    If you couldn’t make friends across genders past Uni, then the world would be a pretty sad place.
    Basing anything on Friends (TV show) is pretty weak. Storylines were made up on the basis of getting as many viewers as possible. It would be the same as saying that the average Londoners life is as messed up as EastEnders; with us all knowing someone who gets murdered, kidnapped, baby swapped, has an affair every Christmas. 😀

    • thelondonladybird December 2, 2011 / 9:50 am

      In my experience, if I go on a date with a guy, get to know him and decide I only like him as a friend; he runs a mile. That’s in my experience. That’s great that you make female friends all the time though! Maybe there is a light at the end of the tunnel?! Also, the comparison to Friends wasn’t to be taken too seriously. It was used as a light-hearted example that everyone can relate to. And as for Eastenders, have you SEEN Jeremy Kyle? Thanks for the comment!

      • Dionysus December 2, 2011 / 10:54 am

        Ah! Now I see where you’re going wrong. By going on a ‘date’ with a guy, you’ve already romanticised the encounter. By calling it a date, you’ve already told the guy it could be more then just friends, and then you proceed to dash his hopes by telling him you just want to be friends. That statement is like Kryptonite to us, seriously!
        I propose, on future encounters, call it: a meet up, coffee, drinks, whatever… If you then get asked, ‘is this a date?’ You can reply however you see fit. Best answer to that question, I’m my opinion, would be something along the lines of, ‘no, it isn’t a date, but there’s no reason things couldn’t move in that direction once we get to know each other a little better.’ 😉 that pretty much covers your bases. It’ll stop guys from running a mile and you don’t get accused of leading guys on.
        Oh, and Jeremy Kyle is why a modern form of Eugenics should be taken seriously. But I guess everyone needs to know that there are people out there a lot worse off then they are.

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