The Cinema

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Not being able to concentrate for longer than an episode of Eastenders means that the cinema is most certainly not my first choice of date location. But it isn’t solely down to my short attention span that I opt for sushi over screenplay. The cinema is a scary place. A place of awkward shuffles and popcorn crunching. A realm of uncertainty and self-doubt. And sometimes I think it’s best to go it alone.

Take my first ever date for example. It was indeed, a trip to the cinema. I was thirteen; ridiculously self-conscious and for some reason finding it appropriate to rock denim on denim (including a fetching cap which read “babe” in pink). It was a time when I thought the film wasn’t the main attraction and the cinema was a magical place. Instead, this disastrous “double date” showed me just how bad it could be. My best friend and her boyfriend snogged the whole way through, whilst me and some boy sat on either side, unsure of where to look. This is not how I thought cinema dates were supposed to go. I thought I was supposed to sit next to my date? Maybe even hold hands? Instead, I actually watched the film.

Over the next few years came a flurry of lateness, munching, lost tickets, mice ridden theatres, popcorn throwing, bust ups and tears so I took a little sabbatical from movie dates until I left school and a guy insisted on taking me back to that dark place. He bought Nachos and he eats like a rhino. Enough said.

I thought my movie days were over until I went on a sort of date with a sort of friend who perched his hand comfortably on my knee. This all felt pretty ideal until I realised my leg was basically numb from sitting in the same position for about forty-five minutes. I remained in this position until I thought I would never walk again and then made an excuse about getting some water. As I stood up, I realized that in actual fact, I couldn’t walk. So with every step I took, I stumbled. The whole way down the stairs.  And to make matters worse, we haven’t mentioned it since. Until now, obviously.

So although it’s taken me around ten years, what I’ve realised, much like sitting on the loo, is that the cinema seat is made for one person, popcorn is the poorest choice of silent snack and lateness is a buzz killer to those who enjoy watching the trailers. But a picture perfect date is boring and sometimes it’s worth taking that risk.

Anything can happen in those 90 minutes, and most of the action happens in your seat, so hold on tight and enjoy the ride.

Seatbelt anyone?