The Spoon

If you don’t like spooning, there’s quite frankly something wrong with you.

Personally, I haven’t come across anyone who doesn’t like to do it but with Ross’ “hug ‘n’ roll” antics in Friends, I’m starting to think that the anti-spooner might just exist. But why? I do understand that it takes some serious skill to get it right but just think of it as a game of human Tetris. You move, I move. And slot. Simple.

What I have learnt is that sadly there are some spoons that are just not compatible. The world is mainly made up of your average table spoon which slot in happily next to each other but in every cutlery drawer you’ll also find other types of spoons: ladles, demitasse spoons, runcibles and bouillons. The shapes of which are so unmalleable that they simply cannot spoon. These represent the anti-spooner. Odd, unwelcome and left on the shelf to sleep alone forever. And deservedly so.

They need to realise that spooning is not only the height of comfort, it’s also completely practical. You’re laying side by side which means that you’re less likely to snore and it takes up less space than snoozing on your back like sardines. Plus, you can keep each other warm whilst wearing minimal clothing. But above all else, spooning avoids the inevitable stench of morning breath that will waft your way whilst seeming like sleeping soul mates. Perfect.

And although I am a self confessed champion spoon, I have a confession to make: I love being the big spoon. I know it’s so wrong and as a girl I should assume the position of the teaspoon but being the big spoon is optimum. You have the freedom of leg position and ones arm movement is far less restricted. Some guys however do not appreciate my positional preference; apparently they feel emasculated. But on the most part, although they probably wouldn’t choose to admit it, some guys actually prefer it and subtly spin around to accommodate my nocturnal habits.

So whether sharing a bed with your pal after a night on the town or after falling into bed with a partner, make the most out of a good situation and spoon. It’s a win, win.

But beware of the consequences; spooning pretty much always leads to forking.