The Job Hunt

You know when you feel like you could scream in the middle of a crowded room and no one would even blink? That’s what the graduate job hunt feels like.

As all the economists at university applied for grad schemes and the rest of my friends were flaunting their father’s abilities in finding them their dream job, I was chilling at the beach wondering what all the fuss was about. As an English student, I didn’t think there was much I could do. Turns out, there really isn’t. Except for undertake ridiculous work experience placements without expenses even being paid for and applying endlessly on journalistic jobsites for vacancies WAY above my station because let’s face it, when it comes to publishing, someone has to have a baby, or die, before anyone else even gets an interview.

So since May last year, this is what I’ve been doing. And now I’ve pretty much hit rock bottom. After maxing out my hefty overdraft while completing placements at various magazines, I am left with a pretty nice looking CV, but still no job and no money. And there is nothing more depressing than knowing you’ve spent £10,000 studying to no gain. In fact yes there is. There’s being interviewed for a job that you really don’t want, and have only applied for because you are living below the breadline, only for them to tell you that your heart’s not in making moulds of children’s hands and feet for their middle class parents. NO IT BLOODY ISN’T!!! But I’ll do it. And I’ll do it well.

Just the other day I walked into a salon on the Fulham Road where I had applied (and been rejected for) a receptionist role. The woman who had pipped me to the poorly-paid post could barely string a sentence together let alone answer my mum’s questions about facial appointments and gift cards. How on earth is this fair?! I was rejected due to “a lack of commitment to the job” and being “overqualified”. What does that even mean and how would you even know if you don’t give me the chance?!

Throw a girl a bone.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not alone in sitting behind a computer screen with a pretty sick degree, some fantastic work experience and a cup of tea, but it doesn’t mean I can’t be a little frustrated.

So employers, if you’re reading this, I have worked in some of the worst conditions throughout my life, stuck with them AND did a good job, have come across the most challenging of bosses and have even worked for free with very little reward. So please, find it in your hearts to employ me. And pay me. You will not regret it. I’ll even stop talking about sex on here if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Plus, I’m a right laugh at office parties.

The cherry on top of the job hunt cake? Putting on five stone as you spend endless hours in front of Gorkana and Gumtree with slice after slice of peanut butter on toast.

Excuse me while I roll to my interview at McDonald’s…

Pah! I should be so lucky.