The Text

As a lover of words it’s strange to think that I have never actually thought too much about the undeniable politics of texting and I can’t help but feel as though this is the aspect of my dating life which I’ve neglected the most. I believed that by not monitoring my own texting behaviour and being rather, shall we say, “liberal” with my texting habits, I wasn’t entering into this game of texting tennis. How wrong was I? Much like the politics of facebook, the politics of texting are not inflicted through choice. From the very first text I sent at probably thirteen years old, I had been unknowingly sucked in. There is no real plus side to this. Everyone has been dignified and controlled in their texting habits and all the while I’ve been ignorantly throwing them around like they’re going out of fashion resulting in me coming across as either desperate or socially retarded…

So eventually I got someone to explain it to me.

Apparently you must wait at least ten minutes before you respond to a text from someone you want to want you. To me, there’s playing hard to get and then there’s just being weird, right? If someone asked you face to face what you were up to that evening and you sat and ignored them for ten minutes, they’d think you were either deaf, incredibly rude or had simply turned to stone, thus resulting in a very confused suitor and a distinct lack of any further action. Not ideal. But somehow, in the world of texting, it works.

And it doesn’t stop there. Not only is the responsive delay important, but in this game, x really does mark the spot. It has been said that the number of kisses at the end of a message is of great significance too. Generally, I never send less than two kisses per text, (including to my ex landlady), so since a fair amount of people told me that they rank the number of kisses according to how well they know the person, I thought I should probably stop snogging the face off of everyone’s phones and acting like a texting tart.

Although I really do find all of the above rather pedantic, there are some things that I do pick up on: the poorly constructed text. Think bad grammar, poor spelling and a really quite unnecessary use of the symbol key. For instance, “I wd luv 2 c u l8er babe$” is not acceptable. It’s not 2002 and we’re not on msn. And for Christ’s sake don’t even get me started on the winking “smiley”. For me, winking is bad enough in real life (unless of course you’re Jude Law) but a virtual wink? Life pretty much can’t get any worse.

Realistically though, when it actually comes down to it, whether it wakes you up at 5am or it’s written by what appears to be a five year old, we all love seeing that little envelope that lets us know that we have a message waiting in our inbox. So enjoy it.

Until next time I’ll leave you with a probably “rather inappropriate”…